Part 50: Episode XXXIX: Planning For Retirement

Here we are at last: The Last Lands. While this is definitively the final areas of the game, it is NOT the point of no return. This game is actually nice enough to g:o “Alright, sweetie. This is the final boss ahead! Here’s a teleport back and forth between the overworld.”

But that’s a ways off. So let’s head on in...


New Music: Regal Ruins



Our journey’s final destination... We’re here at last...
Are you ready?
I’m just hoping there’s no extra seals we needed to crack or hidden magical emeralds we forgot to obtain because of the whole floating island business...
*nods* I’ve been ready all along, ever since we first set out.
*crosses arms* But... I see my role as sacrifice a little differently now... Before, I didn’t really think about it... But now, along with my life, I want to pass on this hope... this hope that everyone has entrusted in me.
...If you say so. I’m guessing there’s no ticker tape parade once you finish your... business, huh?

Julienne advances forward and looks around.



*folds arms* ......
Are you looking for something?
Yes...
There’s a toilet in the back below deck back on the Trebuchet. Probably our last chance before we head out.
What? No there isn’t.
Then what’s that closet with the seat with the hole in it for?
...The one by the bunks? That was just a closet with a small crate in it. What did you...?
......
...You know what, the ancient kingdom had all kinds of crazy technology. I’m sure you’ll find something ahead.
......
Can you sense somethin’?
Is it the great power you said you could sense here...?
I don’t recall ever stating that... But...
There’s somethin’ inside these lands, ain’t there...
For many years, the sacrificial pilgrimages have brought peace to the whole land. Which means, in order for that to happen... Something has been taking place here, in exchange for those sacrifices. Learning the truth behind that shall also reveal the truth behind my kingdom’s fall...
I feel like that’s making a lot of assumptions...
I shall find out what dwells here, with my own eyes...





I’m sure everything will be resolved in good time. Let’s get into the Last Lands proper. The opening area is a frozen town. Sadly, we cannot enter any of the buildings here. They... pretty much just took the Floneian Citadel town assets and colored them blue.





The Last Lands township is home to regular enemy versions of the summon creatures Rhydderch (I spelled that from memory my first try) tagged in for his boss battle. The Deermon (now LESSER Deermon) cast Lightning. The Megaten enemies shoot a volley of wings. Literally no difference here.





In the northern corners of this map is Spritnite Eaten versions of these guys. Roid-rage Deermon have the ability to cast a Triple-Tech lightning attack that will certainly one-shot any of our characters.





Meanwhile, the Spritnite Eaten variants of the angelic hell-spawn get a decent buff to their attack abilities. But the key thing they do is just devour the entire party’s MP. Every turn. So uhh... That sucks a whole lot! I took out both parties of Spritnite-Eaten boys in this region. But there’s no a whole lot of reason to do so beyond material drops.





What is worth mentioning in the upper part of this iced-over town is the Masayume, a new lance for Julienne. Looks like the Masamune from Chrono Trigger got retrofitted into a spear. Sure, why not? Got any more Chrono Trigger references you wanna cram in before the end, game? This isn’t even the last one this update.





Heading north, we find another gate which leads to a bridge containing a uhh... well, some kind of dinosaur... bull? Or uhh... The hell is this?



Ahh! A Dinotaurus... Of course! I should have known. It was so obvious... This optional mid-boss has exactly the type of attacks you’d think it would. It can bite, it can charge, and smack the entire party with a spin of its tail. All of ‘em do in the 75-100 HP range of damage. No sweat, right?



Heck, one good Grand Cross is enough to waste this guy in a single turn before he can even attack. But, there is a catch to this seemingly low-HP mini-boss.





Dinotaurus is a sore loser and upon death casts Meteo, which does in excess of 250+ damage to the entire party. This guy straight up full party wiped me out of nowhere the first time I played since there has been exactly one other enemy the entire game that pulled this (that giant fuck-off automaton from when Kir joined the team.) Kind of a dick move!



Anyway, once the Meteo casting bull-dino is slain, we can continue north to reach the Last Lands castle gates. As we do, Setsuna decides it’s time for a pow-wow...


Music: Farewell



From here, I’ll...
*folds arms* You ain’t about to try tellin’ us you’re gonna go the rest of the way alone, are ya?
Come on! We’ve come this far together, you can’t start being all polite now!
......
I don’t want to leave you alone.
......
Wouldn’t want you to get ganked by some demon deer ‘round the corner. That’d be a REAL dumb end to this mess...
......
Endir’s right. We didn’t come this far for you to start worryin’ your head now, all right?
Exactly! We can’t really just wander off on our own separate ways from here, anyway!
*nods* Thank you, everyone... Will you stay with me... until the final moment?
*nods* Of course.



......
......
......
......
Uhh... is my mask on crooked?



Sorry to interrupt this moving little scene, but the rest of us are all coming as well, aren’t we? Right? Aren’t we?
Yeah... You go on and scout ahead. We’ll all wait for the all clear.
Uhh... I’m good.
*laughs*
*stares blankly and unimpressed*



They’re an awfully merry band about taking their friend to go get herself killed, huh? Alright, let’s head on into the castle...


Music: Last of the Blood



What’s the matter, Julienne?
You’re not having... issues again, right?
No matter... It is just that standing here in the ancient royal capital like this is somewhat moving... My late mother also longed to return to this land.
Not to be insensitive but... can we just... not do a tragic backstory for your mom’s untimely end?
No tragedy to it. She choked to death on a bagel while eating alone. That is all.
...Oh. Umm... Sorry for your loss...
So your parents can rest in peace now, eh?
Yeah... Their daughter has returned to the royal capital!
Yes, indeed...
*shakes head* Enough sentiment... Let us hurry on. Our journey... is not yet over...


Music: Regal Ruins





Time to tackle the Last Lands Castle. Despite the appearance of the township being quite large on the world map, we’re done with that. The castle, on the other hand, is four stories tall and it all looks just like this! The first floor of this area is infested with the same upgraded summon critters from outside.



But there’s nothing else interesting here, so let’s move right along to the second floor! Most floors do have loot, but unless it’s a new weapon I’m not going to mention it!



There are monsters everywhere ya look!
Yeah, real paradigm shift from everywhere else we’ve been so far...
Ugh... You know what I mean.
How the hell did all the past sacrifices manage this?
*turns to party* There’s a long way to go yet... The place where the rites are carried out is much further on.
How do you know that? Have you been here before or somethin’?
...
...Not that I suppose you’re gonna answer that, eh?
It’s pretty obvious the answer is “yes”. Just not the details.
*turns away* It’s not only me who’s been here before...
Hmm? What did you just say?
Nothing.
No... I’d like some details on that too...
Let’s hurry on.
Pffft... So what is it gonna be? Are you actually the manifested dream of some dead civilization’s civilian population that got turned into magic statues carved into the side of a mountain somewhere around here...?
*turns back and looks at Endir like he just squatted down and dropped a deuce* What...? No...
Dodged a bullet there.
...
...Let’s keep moving, guys.





The second floor of the castle is a party for palette altered fox girls and mushroom apes. I’m past the point of going over differences in these nerds. Mostly because I did the entirety of this area going “Get fucked! Grand Cross!” to everything that looked at me funny.





Floor #2 of the castle has not one, but TWO new weapons for Kir, for some reason. The first is one of the Tron weapon set most everyone has gained at some point. It does slightly better physical attack and defense. The former of which will never be remotely useful to Kir, who will never hit more than a mosquito bite physically.





The other weapon is more in line with Kir’s previous magical girl wands. It absorbs HP if you do physical attacks. Which you’d never do with Kir so... I’d like to say we’d never use Kir again, so who cares. But... there is still a Kir sidequest to do later so ehh... We just won’t worry about outfitting him for now.



Anyway! Let’s move on to the next floor! This dungeon isn’t QUITE as long as Ithees Ruins, since there’s no backtracking and button pressing to progress. You can actually just run through this one avoiding most enemies and get through it in about 5 minutes per floor.



As we reach the third floor, Setsuna seems to have something on her mind. Or that ridiculous headwear is finally wearing down on her neck to the point she can no longer hold her head straight. It’s hard to say...


Music: The World of Snow



Have you got cold feet?
I was just thinking... about my mom...
*glances at Nidr and slowly sidles away*
I wonder what went through her mind as she walked along here...
...Don’t you remember your mother at all, then?
I was only little.
*shakes head* I see... Yes, of course...
But it’s strange... I can remember her warmth... Her kindness...
Yeah, same...
...What?
N-Nothing. So... You were saying...?
*snickers* _Smooth.
It’s like our hearts are linked... I think they have been ever since I was born...
*looks down* I see... So she was a good mother, eh?
? Huh? What’re you getting all teary-eyed for, old man?
*sweats* Huh? Oh... w-well... y’know... I lost my old lady when I was li’l, too, so... So I just... y’know... found myself sympathizin’ with her...
_{Heh. Nice save.}
*glares*
*nods* We’re alike, aren’t we?
Oh, w-well... perhaps... Ha ha...



Alright... Next floor! It’s got a new variety of snakes! That’s about all there is to this floor.





There are two staircases up on this floor. One of ‘em contains a dead end with a single silver chest. This one contains the Rainbow sword for Endir aka the ultimate weapon for Crono in Chrono Trigger. Everyone in Chrono Cross got a Rainbow type ultimate weapon too. But Chrono Cross had like fifteen different types of weapons including frying pans and fishing rods.

(I still like Chrono Cross.)





And that’s all of note for the castle’s third floor! Moving on up to the next one! This dungeon ain’t too great! There’s another cutscene upstairs too.


Music: The Warmth of Life



Back when this was the royal capital, it was like the center of all civilization, right?
It is said that at its peak, the capital was more magnificent than we can even possibly imagine.
I see... I’ll bet they had a lot of advanced knowledge about life, too... Once you restore your kingdom, do you think eventually you’ll get back that sort of knowledge, too?
There is no way to say for certain... but it is possible...
Oh man... Don’t tell me you’re pursuing necromancy next. That is messed up!
Huh?
It’s a bummer Setsuna is gonna die and all... but we’re not sticking electronics into her to have an undead corpse Setsuna running around! That’s a f’ed up thing to do. That’s not the answer...
What...? No, you idiot! I’m talking abo—
And we don’t even know how this sacrifice thing works. What if her body gets disintegrated? Did you think of that, Kir? Did you think of disintegration?!
...
Endir, that’s not what he’s talking about...
*folds arms* A way to extend your life span, eh? I hope you find somethin’, kid.
*nods* Thanks.
Oh, right... You like cut your life span in half for... some reason or other, huh? Totally forgot... My mistake... Bummer...
*rolls eyes* ...Yeah.
Once I’ve seen Setsuna’s journey through to its end, it’ll be time for my own journey to begin! As long as there’s a possibility, I won’t give up!
It’ll be a pretty rough journey...
I know it will... but there’s nothing I can do about that.
Especially since I DEFINITELY won’t be accompanying you... I suggest a lot of grinding before heading anywhere.
...Thanks. You’re a real friend, Endir.
Look, I could lead you on, kid. But I'll be real with you... You couldn't afford me to tag along on another journey.
Huh? ...You'd charge me?
Oh gawd... You know, I hate when people do this. "Oh Endir. You're one of that masked mercenary tribe, huh? You should totally run security for my wedding!" "Yeah, sure. Hit me up later and I'll send you my rates!" "GAAAAASP! You would provide your highly sought after services brought about by years of intense training at a price to even me?!" Yes, mofo! Pulling a solid for a pal ain't keeping the lights on!
...This is starting to sound like it's coming from experience. Tch... Whatever. As if I needed you.



That is the spirit, Kir.
Julienne...
*glances at Endir* Endir works in mischievous ways, you see... He said what he did deliberately, in order to put you on your mettle.
Mind games!
Or he’s just being a dick.
You just don’t know. Like I said... mind games!
*sigh*
*nods* It is not as if there is no hope at all. Infected by the monster blood, my body and mind were almost turned into those of a monster... But yet, with your aid, I now stand here, in the land of my ancestors. Once my kingdom is restored... The wisdom of my ancestors, now scattered around the lands, shall likely converge there. If you are able to find the knowledge you seek... Rather than search alone, I would think it wiser to place your hope in the wisdom of many.
! So you’ll help me?
*shakes head* I am a little offended. Are we not comrades...?
*sweats* S-sorry! That’s not what I meant... I just never imagined I’d have a princess helping me out...
*nods* Thank you, Julienne.
It is I who must thank you. What sort of example do I set as a royal, if it is I who am in constant reliance on my comrades’ aid?
*fist pumps* All right! Things are looking up! Come on, let’s go, everyone... I’m going on ahead!


Music: Regal Ruins



Yippee! Kir might not have to die in his mid-20s. Let’s hurry on and assure Setsuna is dead at 18, guys! Mostly by skipping through this floor, since there ain’t a damn thing new going on here besides different combinations of enemy mobs.





This floor completes the Tron weapon collection with a big blunt metal pillar masquerading as a broadsword for Nidr. This is... TECHNICALLY a better weapon than the tree trunk sword... I should switch Nidr to this but...



Hey, I don’t think I ever explained the weapon upgrade system because it hasn’t mattered and the game only gives you material for it by dropping a load of money up until now. Here’s how the weapon upgrading works: You hit Y on the weapon you want to upgrade and if you have upgrade materials, you use one of ‘em to buff the weapon. Like so...



Oh, would you look at that. The Iokan Sword is Nidr’s best equipment still! Better just stick with that. Technically, it’s really easy to make ANY weapon the best in the game. There’s no real ultimate weapons in this game. The real difference is the unique attributes weapons have. Or if they’re funny. Like this one. And hey, boosted attack power on critical hits is pretty good!



Anyway, proceeding to the end of this floor finally gives us a save point meaning... you guessed it! It’s time for a boss fight soon. I’m going to preemptively switch out Aeterna with Nidr. We need our tree trunk wielding tank boy and the old standby BluntBlow for the next fight.



Heading on upstairs, it’s time for one more cutscene...


Music: Faith



*faces Setsuna* Like you saw it in a dream, or somethin’?
It’s because of the spritnite.
Place is lousy with the stuff. I hear it causes memory loss if you use ‘em too much.
Huh? ...I’ve never heard that before.
Me neither.
Maybe it wasn’t spritnite... Was it materia? Spheres...? No... Oh! It was those idiot child mercenaries that used GFs did that. Ugh... What a bunch of dipshits.
What is this... GF?
Don’t worry about it. Seriously, don’t... It’s beyond dumb.
*nods* Yes, maybe... My head’s been hurting since we got to the Last Lands... Maybe I’m imagining it... It’s a strange feeling... It’s like... It’s like there’s something I’ve almost forgotten, but not quite... like a vague childhood memory...
......



Well, it’s probably nothing! Let’s just move right long through the next door to...



Ugh! No... Not this chucklefuck again. I’m still mad about that cutscene where they didn’t just murder Reaper because Setsuna is extraordinarily idiotically merciful that one time while having no problem murdering scores of other monsters. Oh well... What’s done is done. Tune in next time when we fight Reaper for a fourth goddamn time... Maybe we’ll even kill him this time! It should be a real hoot!